ERAP JOKES RELIVED - 4

MAKING A SPEECH

While typing Erap's speech to be delivered in joint commnunique, Erap's secretary paused awhile and asked Erap.

Secretary: Sir, dalawa nga ba ang -o- sa unahan ng cooperation?

Erap: Dagdagan mo pa nang isa para sigurado.


ERAP'S DARE to Criminals

Wag nyo akong subukan!

Erap to politicians Wag nyo akong subukan!

Erap to Monica Lewinski

Ako naman subukan mo!




Letter of SHErap to son JAYVEE


Dear JAYVEE:

Kamusta na sa Amerika, anak? Mabagal ko'ng isinulat ang liham na ito
dahil alam kong mabagal ka ring magbasa. Anak, gusto ko lamang
iparating na hindi na kami sa Malacanang nakatira ngayon. Nabasa kasi
ng mommy mo (si LHoi), na kadalasan na ang mga aksidente ay nangyayari
sa bahay kaya't napagpasiyahan ko na lumipat na ng tirahan. Pero
huwag kang mag-alala. Dinala ko naman ang karatula ng ating lumang
address kaya maari mo pa rin akong sulatan sa dati nating address.
Mahirap na kasi ang pabago-bago. Alam mo naman na napakarami ko ng
kinakabisado.

Maganda naman ang tirahan namin ngayon. Mayroon pa ngang built-in na
washing machine. subali't ng labhan ko yung damit ko, hindi na bumalik.
kaya't huwag kang bibili ng Saniware washing machine, anak. malakas pa
naman sana ang ikot ... Maganda rin ang lagay ng panahon dito. dalawang
beses lamang umulan last week. Yung una, mula lunes hanggang miyerkules,
yung pangalawa, mula huwebes hanggang linggo.


Tungkol nga pala sa coat na gusto mong ipadala namin... masyado raw
mabigat sabi ni Orly kung isasama yung mga butones. kaya pasensiya ka
na kung tinanggal namin bago namin ipadala. Nilagay naman namin sa
bulsa para hindi mawala.


Ay naku! Alam mo bang basang-basa kami nung martes(nung unang umulan
last week)? Naiwan kasi nitong si Senator Tito yung susi ng BMW niya
sa loob. Eh nakabukas pa naman ang sunroof ! Basang-basa tuloy ang
interior! mabuti na lamang at gumanap na carnapper itong si Jinggoy
nung araw kaya nabuksan niya ang kotse mula sa labas. Ang kaso mo, ng
pumasok kami ni Jinggoy,naiwan si senator tito sa labas at hindi na
naman niya mabuksan ang kotse! WALA na NAMAN sa kanya ang susi. &^&@%*
mga artistang politiko talaga yan! Hindi gumagamit ng IQ... muntik na
kaming malunod nuon ah!


Naalala ko tuloy yung pinsan kong nahulog sa tangke ng whiskey! Marami
sana ang gustong sumagip pero pinilit pa ring niyang uminom at libre!
Ayun,nalunod at pina-cremate ---- anim na araw rin ang binilang bago
natapos ang apoy... kaya pag namatay ako, hindi ako paki-cremate...
masakit.


Siyanga pala, nanganak na si jackie kahapon.. Hindi ko pa alam kung
lalaki o babae kaya hindi ko masabi kong ikaw ay isa ng Uncle o Auntie.
Naku! napakalikot na bata... eager beaver ika nga! Anak, hanggang dito
na lamang muna ang aking liham... Marami pang pagbabago ang kailangan
gawin sa Pilipinas. Ayun sa survey, 95% pa lang ng mga Filipino ang
naging madasalin mula ng ako'y naging presidente! Kailangan 120%!!!
Siyempre kailangan kasama ang mga OCW sa abroad, no?

Love,
PAPA SHERAP


P.S. Papadalahan sana kita ng pera pero nakasarado na ang sobre...



Who is The More Intelligent Candidate?


This incident supposedly happened before the "ERAP PRESIDENCY".
The most intelligent the "presidentiable"(Pinoy term for preisential candidates),
Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to
a televised debate.

To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question
which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam
a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.
Miriam asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?
" Erap doesn't say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and
hands it to Miriam.

Now, it's his turn. He asks Miriam: "What goes up a hill with three legs,
and comes down with four?" Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.
She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references.
She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net.
Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends.
All to no avail.

After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills.
Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.
Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos....



ERAP IN a PARTY

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, “I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?”

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, “Oh, my wife just passed away.”



ERAP and THE LIGHT

Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light (as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…



NATURE'S CALL


FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them.

The executioner starts the countdown: “10, 9, 8,….”. FVR shouts, “Flood!”. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: “Earchquake!”. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: “10, 9, 8, 7….”. Erap had a mental block. “5, 4, 3, 2, 1…” Erap shouted: “Fire!”